Years Gone - Wasted — Fear Sucks: How I am Finally Chasing My Screenwriting Dreams

Here I am, closer to 60 than 50 and wondering how I spent years dreaming and saying I wanted a screenwriting career, yet lacked conviction.

Ideas don’t pop up daily. I have the same seven stories roaming around in my head. I used to tell people I was working on things. I don’t do that anymore.

It’s too disappointing, for them and for me.

I studied the art form, probably too much. I took endless screenwriting classes. Dialed into how to break in, how to get a manager (when ten years ago, I didn’t know I needed one), and of course, I am glued to streaming channels trying to mold my thoughts, outlines and pilots into something that will actually sell.

But like Gilda Radner said, “It’s always something.” For me that quote and title of her memoir always hit hard. Deep down, I felt like I wasn’t really doing the work.

I wasn’t fully invested.

I was scared. And fear is a MOFO. Fear sucks.

And the worst part - I knew it. When you’re jammed up with too many jobs, too many injuries, too many hopes and dreams - you feel stuck.

How do I move forward?

This Is What No One Talks About

You can live in solitude for years where you’re trying to pursue something.

In this space, you’re not ignoring your dreams.

But the longer you sit in this space, you realize, you’re not dedicated to it either.

You think, take notes, write outlines, write summaries, make pitch decks and character sheets.

You start planning.

Things start happening.

Then you stop. Anything and everything that can get in the way – does.

You tell yourself “It will be okay. You’ll find the time to write. You’ll finish that screenplay.”

Then you find yourself celebrating your 40th birthday, then 50th, and wonder how time keeps moving. But you’re still stuck.

Nowadays, I stare at my Netflix account, trying to turn my envy gene off. Scripts are being finished. Stories are being told.

Still, none of the stories I have imagined. So, I tell myself there is still time.

It’s time to submit.

It’s time to get rejected.

It’s time to get better.

And yet with three first draft pilots chilling on my laptop, I'm still… thinking.

Stuck in Okinawa Made It Louder – And Clearer

When I headed to Japan nearly two years ago - the dream was to return with sellable content, not one script, but several. Representation. Something. Anything heading into production.

Being in Japan and working yet another job I didn’t like made it impossible to ignore anymore.

Distractions fell away. How could they not? When you’re in a distant land outside your normal environment, you are forced to face your realities, head-on.

There is nowhere to hide.

You run out of excuses.

There is way too much time on your hands to say, you’ll “get to it later.”

And of course, that time clock keeps ticking.

I had to finally admit to myself that I was tired. Tired of half written stories, tired of not trying harder, tired of excuses.

Get it together. Do the work - or let it go for good.

The Shift

I would like to say there wasn’t one big dramatic moment, but there were several.

The Pandemic was the start - then an injury - then several surgeries - then another injury and now another surgery.

Hit after hit won’t hold me down.

No more talking.

Do. Start. Finish. Send. Celebrate. Repeat.

I refuse to glide into my 60s still starting. No more thinking about a screenwriting career, we are on the path of building – creating.

It’s time to stop overthinking.

And I started pushing the pen forward.

How to Start My Screenwriting Career: This is What I'm Doing Right Now

No master plans here.

Not trying to be perfect.

I'm aiming for clarity and consistency.

Check out what I’m doing right now:

Writing every day no longer waiting for the “sellable idea.”

Finish. No one is going to see the first draft so who cares if it’s not perfect?

Create a small memorable portfolio I am thrilled to show people.

Connect to managers, agents and industry insiders, even if I get ignored.

This is a career, not a side hustle.

It’s basic, it’s simple, it’s a doable plan.

Start with deliverables you can deliver, that’s the point.

Reality Check!

This is hard. And it is only going to get harder.

I'm not in dreamland here.

The possibilities of:

No thank you’s.

No word at all.

No quick outcomes.

And not being home in Los Angeles doesn’t make it any easier.

But it’s time to pull off the glue — it’s time to get unstuck.

Move the pen.

One day I’ll get a yes. And that’s all I need.

Why The Share?

Because there are so many of us (second career seekers, retirees, 40+) stuck in that in-between space. Still dreaming the dream from childhood.

If this is you—I feel you. I get it.

I’ve been here longer than I want to admit, but I am admitting it to you now, so you know, you are not alone. And yes, it is okay to finally say yes and move the needle.

Because you and I both know, nothing will change until you start moving.

Where I'm Headed From Here

Will I know for certain how this turns out? Of course not, but I won’t let that be yet another excuse.

It could take ten years for my breakthrough or it could take ten days.

I'm not sure what doors open, I just know that eventually one will.

And one is all I need.

This new version of me – the finisher is different, stronger and no longer waiting.

Today, tomorrow and the next day I’m writing.

I’m connecting.

I’m creating something real and evergreen.

And for the first time in a long time this feels like exactly what I need.

Want to follow the journey? I’m documenting my path in building a screenwriting career from Okinawa back to LA - home—wins, disappointments, all of it.

Warm thoughts blowing your way,

Nina